To whom it may concern,

Dear Creeper,

Consider yourself a lucky man (or woman.) You get a whole blog post dedicated just to you. I am sick and tired of you lurking around my house. Please stop breaking into Jane's car. It's really not very nice. If you want to be our friend, you are welcome to stop by some afternoon. I'm home most days until 3 or 4 and would love to chat and get to know you better. Coming to the house during the whee hours of the night is not going to do you much good. I know you think you are sneaky, but we can hear you out there. I ask that next time you come into the house, you turn the lights off. You know, you're really running up our electric bill.

Now, I am moving in three or four weeks and, although I will miss you, I would really appreciate it if you didn't follow me to the new house. I'd also appreciate it if you would leave Jane and Meo alone. Jane's fierce and she is giving herself a gun for her birthday and Meo is a jumpy, innocent girl. You're really freaking her out. That's not very nice.

Once again, you are welcome to come hang out during the day, but as long as the sun is down, you really need to stay away.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Margaret.